Reasons Whites Use To Justify Using the N-Word

In life, I have found myself involved in situations where whites have felt the need to use the word "nigger" around or toward me. Due to the fact that I am a black male of some size that has several non-typically ascribed interests and hobbies, this is not an uncommon occurrence for me. Here are some of the justifications I have heard from people over the years for using offensive speech whilst being righteously indignant regarding my discomfort with it.

"You were acting like one." Okay. So, what exactly does that entail? Why is it that when we agree, I'm just a dude, but when we don't, I'm that?

"You made me mad." Variant of the first one. Why does anger equal "Well, now I get to be racist!" to you? I've never once thought to be racist toward you during the whole argument.

"I didn't call YOU one." This comes with being considered "one of the good ones" in their area/vicinity. Being racist towards other black people around me isn't winning you points in the Friend category, and seeing you lapse into that as soon as you dislike someone is very telling.

"It just means ignorant." Why do you think it means that? Really think about it, don't skip the mental exercise. You may need it if you don't get it.

"You guys say it all the time!" First, way to assume every single black person in America and abroad is exactly the same in how we feel about that word. Secondly, do I speak like that naturally? Have you ever known me to casually say it, or do I do it purely for comedic effect every time?

"It's just a word." Direct translation: "I'm going to purposely say offensive shit. It's not my fault you're hurt by my actions. I'm a social parasite."

The Gay Agenda

Good day, World. So, to those who think the "liberal media" is pushing the "gay agenda," get this: 

For a very long time in American media, being anything but a straight white male was seen as terrible. Black men were all criminals, black women were all hoes, Hispanics and Asian women were all exotic and dangerous, and Asian men were all nerds. This was the media you came up on, with white straight men being the only protagonists that could be cool, roughneck bad boys that get all the girls. Now, slowly over time, we've seen the inclusiveness of different races and genders as main characters, and only recently have we been seeing black main characters in popular  movies that aren't either blaxploitation or specifically "black folk" movies, as the works of directors like Spike Lee and John Singleton are commonly seen.

So, you can understand as both a member of the black community and the LGBT community how much it bothers me to hear about "the gay agenda" being "forced" on American society. I've watched gay and gay-presenting characters be used as comedy fodder my whole life. The LGBT community as portrayed by Hollywood up until like the past decade has been absolutely shit on, and that's the reason you think people are forcing some sort of gay social construct upon you. Having a well-fleshed out character that isn't straight is not forcing an agenda. Having a main character explore their sexuality is not forcing an agenda. We've been here this whole time, doing your special effects makeup, designing your outfits, choreographing those dances on those music videos, acting straight on your screens while languishing in the closet. Now that we're writing the stories, though, it's "an agenda," even though secretly we've been writing them this entire time. We weren't allowed to state some things openly without fear of everything from violence to exile, and even in 2004 when I was a teen, I was not allowed to bring home a white girlfriend. Imagine the backlash I would have received if they knew I wasn't straight.

The LGBT community is full of creative, wonderful people and has stories to tell. You weren't whining about that lesbian porn you Googled, nor did you feel bad about laughing at how "over the top" the one gay character was in your favorite show. Now that the protagonists are starting to be queer, continue watching them with similar interest. Hell, the Greek gods that everyone remixes into "new" characters were all pretty bi, if you look at them deeply enough. 

In short, get over yourselves. We're not doing this for you. We're doing it because it's nice to finally have similar outlets to express ourselves that the straights have had for generations. If you're going to stop watching something, loudly announcing it to everyone you know and every other stranger you don't only makes you look like a prick.

Priorities.

 Good day, World.

     Yesterday, I was able to be there for someone I loved in a time of tragedy. While I will not share details of what happened, I will say that it would shake the foundations of any person's family if it had occurred to them. The thing that made it more tragic is that it happened while this person was visiting me, meaning the rare moment they had time for respite from their already difficult life situation, said peace was destroyed by fate.  This situation was altogether horrifying, and my heart is broken on behalf of this person.

     However, I cannot linger upon it, as the same fate that brought this tragedy also taught me a valuable lesson. See, I would not have been there to support this person if I hadn't decided that their company was more important than finances in that moment. That morning, I was scheduled to be at work roughly an hour before the news broke. The night before, I had been pondering whether or not I wanted to continue working for someone who A.) attempted to emotionally manipulate me in order to make me feel bad about requesting time off, B.) had casually mentioned "high school hotties" living at one of his properties, and C.) I'd heard rattling on about Biden conspiracy theories and the murder of America by the Democrats. This was a cash paying job, and I was being considered for payroll at the time. Finally, after getting some counsel from my father, I'd decided twenty minutes before I was due to leave that no, I didn't wish to do that anymore. So, I prioritized my relationship with my friend over the hundred or so dollars that I would have received working that day, therefore making myself available when they needed my support. Else-wise, I would have been at work at the time the event transpired, having to either leave and hear more condemnation from the boss or not being permitted to leave at all, forcing me to hear their crying over the phone instead of on my shoulder.

     See, the super rich want you to constantly think that money is the ultimate goal. They do everything they can to manipulate you into a manic state, inflating prices while minimizing their workforce's hours so that your struggle to survive is at maximum profitability for them. They tease us with sales, deals, and promotions, the hyper-inflated costs temporarily knocked down to only three times what they paid for it instead of five while calling the fleecing "a deal." Recent times have shown that the rich do not like it when the proletariat plays the same games that they do with the nation's economy, therefore showing that yes, they do see us as mere pawns in their game. "Work forty hours a week, then give it all to us," the mouths chant, our blood dripping from their jaws. "Costs go up, 'it's the market,'" they say, red marker hovering over the price sheets as they look balefully to their not-quite-full safe of billions. The creatures have determined that if they make jobs never pay enough and goods too expensive, they can keep profiting off of us on both ends.

     However, more important than any of those things is being there for each other's needs. See, if humans were able to push past financial gain as their main objective, those who have convinced us to look no further would have a much more difficult time retaining their status and coffers. Every time there is a movement that is not framed around attaining money, it is demonized. From the LGBT Civil Rights Movement to the Black Panther Party, women's reproductive rights marches and protests about school shootings, every movement that involves unifying people and is not focused on a product or money is cut down by pundits, politicians, and news companies. The rich do not want the people's needs met, as when you have a contented society, the desire to purchase frivolities in order to cure the hole one feels in themselves diminishes. Why do you think the term "retail therapy" became a thing? It is obvious that the terminology comes from the concept of "buying things makes you feel good," and if that isn't the slogan for capitalism as a whole, I don't know what marketing is.

     In addition, the demonization of even the concept of unifying has begun from the pundits, with calls from the Left for unity and solidarity being called "hollow" and "lies." A very long time ago, I wrote that unification is a dangerous thing for those in power, that it behooves them to keep the people at each other's necks while they line their pockets and bolster their levels of influence on the world stage. On a financial level, the businesses do the same, making it taboo to discuss how much you're being paid, breaking up hours and scheduling in order to avoid paying overtime, fighting unions at every level they can manage to, ascribing a ridiculous level of importance to minutiae like uniforms, and inducing a class system within every single job. Now, your co-worker with different responsibilities and more experience is your "manager" or “supervisor,” if you wear the wrong color tie or shoes you get financially penalized, and Peggy Sue feels like she’s a better person than you because she’s wearing a badge with some words on it. 

Keep the people divided in any way they can. This is the will of the powerful.

     In spite of all this, it was more important for me to be with my friend than outside moving bricks. See, the rich have the convenience of having time to commune with each other. While we break our spines bowing to the schedules, routines, prices, and sacrifices that the elite have made for us, they gallivant about on their own time. That same boss that was guilting me about wanting a day off had told me earlier on that there may be days we don’t have work because he and his wife have been looking for an RV. The same person who was telling me that I needed to be a “man of my word” a few days before told me he’d randomly cancel work due to his affinity for a pleasure vehicle. The rich expect the poor to constantly labor to fill their pockets, and when that doesn’t happen, we are all “lazy and entitled.” Again, I have found myself working alone, attempting to create my own power base independently of these terrible people so that one day I may be one of the few counterexamples to this toxicity.   

     This independence from their grasp is the last thing that they want from us. To give oneself time to think past the programming is to liberate oneself from a single level of this hell they have created for us. Upward mobility is not given, but fought for, and the more of us that can buck the grind, the more of us that can take the time to change this world. We need time to be able to care about ourselves and others.

Warning 2021

 Good day, World.

     Just today, I read several posts on social media that depicted a Republican backlash to the current waves of reform that have been occurring across both the internet and the country. Many on the Right are now decrying censorship, their figureheads and rantings removed not only from power but from their usual sounding boards. Even their alternative social media platform has been extinguished for the present, and it seems that the most extreme elements of their cadre are being muzzled on more conventional ones. In non-digital life, the terrorists that attacked the Capitol are being routed by the FBI, aided greatly by the general populous' willingness to surrender insurrectionists to the Federal government. I've seen cries of leftist treachery, accusations of deep state machinations to enslave the public, and even Holocaust comparisons at their most hyperbolic. There was a festering pustule that has just been excised from America's body, and it seems that the Republicans are the flesh that was most closely affected. Now, they are irritated, weeping blood, and looking for someone to blame for the problems that they created, be it man, woman, Devil, or Ruth Bader-Ginsberg in her coffin.

     There is a humor to all of this. The same party of people who rail against things like hip hop, rock and roll, witchcraft, marijuana, same sex marriage, saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas," raising the minimum wage, abortions, and anything else that may offend the Fox News crowd...are mad about censorship. These are the same people who bought and burned piles of Eminem CDs in protest, the same ones who constantly talk about boycotting any company that shows the thinnest amount of support to the LGBT community. These people tell others every day that certain demographics shouldn't exist or aren't real, that their fellow Americans are hellbent on destroying the country, or that minority concerns are invalid or wouldn't exist if said minorities were more obedient. To hear them whining like the snowflakes that they are when they practically invented cancel culture is a bittersweet irony. Remember the Moral Majority?

      So, what do we do here on the Left? It seems that the Redcaps are attempting to reconstitute themselves into a separate political party: the MAGA Party. You can imagine that this would be a place for Trump and his family to always have some sort of political relevance, using the party to install leaders on lower levels of government in cities where Trumpism still runs rampant. The fact that they would not be a part of our unofficial two party system would help cut the legs off of their abilities on a broad scale, but I expect to see MAGA towns popping up throughout the Midwest, South, and high North. The one thing the Right has over the Left most often is their ability to strategize and manipulate the playing field. What can the liberals do in order to negate the inherent power of these Trumpublicans?

     The answer lies directly in flipping local municipalities to Blue. See, as we witness the logjam that is the Senatorial and Congressional process on various issues, we are beginning to see the importance of the individual roles of Senators and Congressmen. Mitch McConnell has made certain things an utter nightmare for the entirety of the country, singlehandedly blocking a direct vote by the Senate to dole out much needed bailout money whilst apparently forgetting who pays for his salary and health benefits.  Well, there are a lot of local level officials that hold significant amounts of power over other key decisions and issues. Many individuals run completely unopposed in those places, complacency placating them into a feeling of security in their position. For example, the self-styled, self-titled "anarchist She-male" Aria DiMezzo ran unopposed as a Republican for Cheshire County, NH sheriff, winning the primary and getting over seven thousand votes compared to the incumbent's twenty seven thousand. While she lost, that was quite a voting bloc, and perhaps in the future she may actually be elected in some capacity. These are the moves the Left needs to continue making in order to attain more power, to find holes and penetrate them in order to crack the foundations of the establishment. The more Blue the leadership of a city, town, municipality, or organization is, the more likely it is that the "liberal agenda" can be forwarded to higher echelons of power. 

      There will be a war coming, but it will be an internal cold war. Towns where Trumpism runs roughshod will deepen in their resolve, and if Trump himself gets either impeached so that he cannot run again or is imprisoned, those towns will be powder kegs. Expect some sort of quasi-secession in a rural area, a bandying together of some rich Right Wing Trumpist, preppers, private military contractors, and gun "enthusiasts" declaring some sort of free state. Now, no one will attack that place due to the amount of rich white males and guns on the property, the Right will make comparisons to the autonomous zones that the Left has established, and eventually a secessionist army will develop calling itself a "millitia." The very key difference between the autonomous zones and this new thing is that this will be a white supremacist training/breeding ground fed by a lot of alt-Right money and nutjobs. These predictions are based upon activities I have seen extremists perform in the past, and one cannot call the Redcaps anything but that given that they have now tipped their own hand.

Do not misunderstand me. This is a direct comparison to Nazism. They are that dangerous, and I am worried for the safety of my family. Liberals and centrists, it is your job to combat these people as they appear in your spheres of government. Research ballot measures that appear in your state, county, and local levels to be sure that the far Right's agendas do not silently take over. Check the histories of the people writing the bills, politicians, and judges in your area so you know where their values lie rather than just listening to slogans. Hold local officials and police accountable for their negative actions. Remember, every politician will pretend to want the best for you in order to get into power, but not every politician has the best interest of the people at heart. 

 

On Civil Unrest in America

 Good day, World.

    Well. Here we are, folks. The Redcaps have shown their true colors, their failed coup the result of years of incendiary thoughts. They have been emboldened by watching protesters who rage against injustice, perverting the passion into the violence they've wished to engender this entire time. They hate that Obama's right hand man has been reinstalled, their love for the new Mussolini trumping their desire to be decent human beings tenfold. Trump has become exactly what he's been striving to be all this time: the next charisma vacuum to the alt-Right. The next great dictator is strutting his stuff, and all the king's horses and all the king's men have rolled out the carpet for Drumphy again.

     The telltale signs are more subtle, but this is a precarious position we have been put in. For example, when the National Guard was called in to dispatch the traitors who were actively attempting to subvert the processes of our government within the nation's capital, the Guard refused. Local authorities simply escorted the vast majority off the property, with very few casualties and far less force than, say, your average Black Lives Matter protest. Actual traitors were seen taking photos with the local police forces, the silent show of solidarity between the two factions saying more than any words could elaborate. Oddly enough, when angry white people show up with guns, no one seems to escalate like they do with minorities and protesters, as in 2016 with the Bundy armed takeover of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon. In short, when the white majority erupts into violence and barbarism over trivialities, it's not taken as seriously as non-violent people who wish to hold the government and society accountable for the injustices they perpetrate towards minorities. 

     And I do say trivialities with the entire weight of the word. When Trump won, the Left was told to hold their tongues by the Right, to "shut up and accept" that Agent Orange had been victorious. On the whole, the Left did just that, a smattering of "Not My President" bumper stickers and snarky late night comedy bits being the entirety of the protest made. However, now that Biden won, the Right's vitriol has boiled over and spilled into the halls of our government. The Confederate flag was flown in the Capitol that was built by the slaves who would fear it if they could see the future. Between the legislators who sided with him, the lies dripping from his mind through his clumsy thumbs, and the cacophony of Redcaps that clamor for him, we have seen the rise of a new terrorist group driven to madness. An election only establishes a figurehead, and so they commit treason over a fairly minor event. The Senate and Congress are the real decision makers, as seen while Obama was in office and had the vast majority of his moves deadlocked.

     The future holds some worry for me, as I am tracking a pattern and do not like it. For example, a lot of people do not realize that Hitler was elected to power at first. He was made  chancellor of Germany in January of 1933, then used the laws to maneuver himself into a dictator after a long history of using his charisma to appeal to the public. He used fear tactics and racist rhetoric to convince people that foreigners were the center of all of Germany's problems, spinning quasi-logic from drug addled mental episodes and vomiting it at a populace looking for answers. He took over the news media, creating an entire wing of the government in order to create and test propaganda in order to spark loyalty in his subjects. The people, desperate and angry, clung to this in spite of all logic, with 77,000 German citizens dying over the course of his reign due to dissent from this barbarism and millions more directly as a result. Meanwhile, the Nazi officers in their Hugo Boss uniforms stood neatly by, the mass genocide they helped orchestrate a daily chore for them, a simple meal on a plate.  

     Now, here we are in 2021. A fascist has been elected to power, his followers rabidly in support of him despite himself. The man himself has made overtures to other dictators, the oil barons of the Middle East, and white supremacist factions domestically. We have had our Beer Hall Putsch, the failed coup d'etat of a couple days ago serving as a preamble to what is certainly going to lead to worse things. Hate crimes against minorities have increased under his regime, the backlash to LGBT and racial groups asking for respect and fair treatment resulting in shootings, murders, and outright terrorism against said groups by the Redcaps. The people have clung to his words in a time of economic uncertainty and racial tension, and South and Central American immigrants looking for asylum have become the people in cages that the Jews and other minorities were in Germany. Let us not also forget the eternal war of the disenfranchised, the steady vacuuming up of minorities by the criminal justice system in order to fill private prisons and give businesses a cheap labor force. Trump holds rallies where he lies and whips crowds into a frenzy, allegedly studying from the actual speeches of Mussolini in his spare time to prepare. He has expressed great interest in changing laws in order to extend his reign since the very beginning of his tenure, and has managed to secure several news channels in order to spout his and others' far-Right propaganda as truth, not opinion. Independently, his followers mobilize and commit violence in his name, spewing poison and demonizing the victims as they make life more unbearable for those who think differently. 

The uniform has changed, but the ideals remain. 

     

     Reader, I will reveal something to you about myself (if you have not already gathered): I am a minority. I actively fear for my safety as I have heard awful things said directly to me about my specific minority, as well as having heard candid recordings from those who are exposed to this vitriol but have no other recourse but to expose it to the public. I fear for the future, the safety of myself and my family, and the direction this country is headed in. As a child, I saw the destruction of the Twin Towers, having lived within an hour of New York City by train and having relatives who lived in the area. The sight of the pillars of smoke billowing upward through my father's car window as we drove through the Meadowlands was sobering, and I would not have been anywhere near as politically minded if that hadn't happened during my formative years as a preteen. Now that I am in my thirties, I have watched the country fall from grace on the world stage, slowly descending into chaos as greed and racism drive this place into a more divided state than I have ever seen. I fear for the future, and I am too poor to either distance myself from it or leave here during this civil unrest. 

Either we fight this timeline or we die. We cannot lose ourselves to this. 

Escapism

 Good day, World.

     One of the greatest financial establishments in the modern world is the industry of escapism. While this multifaceted economic concept has several methods of implementation, they all strive to achieve the same purpose: make huge profits off of distracting the public from reality. From this, we see the film industry, record labels, vacation package companies, technology conglomerates, international sports leagues, alcohol producers, and various other industries built with this singular purpose. Of course, there are sections of many of these same sectors of business that attempt to augment rather than distort or obfuscate, but oftentimes these comparably small endeavors are either corrupted or altogether subsumed by larger companies that utilize them for their own purposes. In short, escaping reality is big money and has been for a very long time. 

     The main selling point of these commodities is to distract from the crushing grip of a nigh-feudal level of living that many of those same industries help to create. Nestle pumps water out of areas that need it desperately, ruining ecosystems and causing droughts to water tables around the world while selling "Pure Life" water. Chocolatiers use child slaves to gather their cocoa beans in desperate countries, marketing the fruit of their labor as things like "bliss" and "heaven" while putting actual children through hell. Workers in third world countries manufacture promotional materials for multi-million dollar movies, flights of fancy and spectacle insultingly thrust into their faces as the whip cracks behind them to work faster and do more. Even the companies that Americans work for market their products as silver bullets toward happiness, their own workers tired and struggling as the price of existence is steadily inflated to a staggering amount above what the average American can make. If the people were allowed to think instead of the constant push to consume, they would be too angry to continue making money off of, after all. Wear this brand, eat from this restaurant, drive this car, and listen to this artist. Happiness comes from never thinking and always doing.

     Unfortunately, this formula seems to work for many, choosing to immerse themselves in whatever fiction they deem appropriate rather than learn of anything past what they are told to. People erupt into violent conflict over sports teams that know nothing of their lives, and even scripted contests like the WWE have caused fanatics to riot. Followers get genuinely upset over changes in writing styles, film adaptations, and fictional characters, their emotional investment wasted on something that is not real and has no actual effect on them. Listeners become bitterly embroiled in the lives of the artists they listen to rather than taking their music at face value, and some artists have lost their lives behind the misplaced emotional turmoil of a crazed fan. There is no logic to what people find themselves passionate about, but when said passion is directed at something completely meaningless, it has been co-opted by some corporation in order to profit. 

     While I know time is meaningless, in this new year I am asking those reading to consider that. There are so many exciting events happening, so many people with real, inspiring stories to learn about, and so many new advancements pushing forward that can be paid attention to. Do not waste your emotions on fiction, as we need more people who deeply care about real life in order to help progress ourselves to a better future. Fiction is made to sedate and distract, to rob us of our emotions in order to manipulate our money out of our hands. It's like cartoons from the 80's and 90's: created with the specific purpose of selling toys. The cartoons were simply an advertisement that they knew would end up causing the children to essentially annoy the money out of their parents' pockets. 

Well, we're all adults now.

Frustration.

Hello, World.

     Today has been...difficult for me. Normally, I write musings regarding current events, societal trends, etc. However, today I feel the need to vent my personal frustrations. I hope you do not mind if I speak frankly and unfiltered, though I'd hope by now those of you who do read my ramblings know that is the case in most instances. I will not go into specifics, as I am still fairly private in my dealings (unless either you've traced together the different facets that amalgamate my identity or I have brought you here directly), but I will instead generalize the issues I face.

     The greed of the upper echelons of society have driven the economy into a dizzying spiral of artificially inflated costs. In order to exist in this world of modern peasantry and fiefdoms, we the majority are subject to either mass indignity or outright slavery in order to survive. Jobs that require constant movement, harassing the customers for up-sales, working in boiling heat or extreme cold, or the constant Damocles' sword of deadlines and timers are worth much more monetarily than the business owners are willing to pay. It is this very reasoning said higher ups attempt to cut the cost of labor razor thin, selling your body for two to five times what they pay you to the customer and reaping the benefits of your skills, abilities, or mere presence there. This is atop the doubling or tripling the cost of whatever item is being purchased or used, depending upon the situation. I understand the concept of overhead and profit margins, but truthfully, the gap between inflation and wages has slowly been widening since the Eighties, if not before. Now, said gap is exponentially larger than it has been ever before, and no amount of "overtime" or "extra shifts" is going to fix this problem.

     Thankfully, there are some institutions that assist in times of exceptional crisis, but it seems that every day pundits and politicians scream for their repeal. "Do not feed the lazy," they cry, ignoring that several large scale inquiries into fraud in these systems led to a near nil result. "The virus only culls the elderly," they cry aloud, while two hundred seventy five thousand individuals die on this land's soil. "The doctors and media inflated the numbers to get more funding," they insist, clutching desperately at their six hundred eighty six billion dollar military purse. Businesses defy shut down orders because asking them not to host crowds of people during a pandemic surge is "tyrannical." This inability to focus on anything but money drives us all to madness, and all because those at the top of the pyramid want every single dime.

     The struggle for existence is only a struggle when there are predators looking to eat you every day. Yes, there are packs and groups that temporarily give shelter from the biting winds of capitalism, and cooperation between like-minded parties is a rare boon that passes once objectives diverge. Still, I see the eyes watching me, their icy claws raking at my pockets and my sanity. Advertising rapes my eyes and ears, leaving me staring blankly at a screen as my thoughts ebb and I try to recall what I was trying to originally search for. Earlier today, a police officer arrived to speak to one of my neighbors. I hid inside my residence until he left simply because I did not want him to take any interest in me whatsoever. 

Do not see me. Do not kill me. I know you can.

     Some say fear is an emotion that one should not indulge in, that it is weak and renders one useless. I say that any person that has lived through real trauma, tragedy, or loss has every reason to accept the fact they feel it. In our own way, we have all had to live through situations that we were afraid past all comprehension while still handling said instances. Fear itself does not inhibit our strength as a person, but rather it shows that we are mentally fighting not to fail. Those who have accepted defeat are not afraid, just as those who know that victory is certain do not feel nervous. The fact that we fear for what the future holds means that we are uncertain, but we do not wish for a negative outcome. 

     Fear makes me focus, as it is my natural state to hyper-focus as it is. People say in tense situations or catastrophes that I react very well, but the main reason is that I am so focused on fixing the problem that I seem calm. They aren't there when the seizures take me at night because my mind is overloaded. They aren't there when I wake up screaming or when the crying hurts my chest. All they see is the rest, what I allow them to see. When I drink a liter of homemade absinthe in a few days, they see that. When I come out at eight am to smoke my first blunt of the day, they see that. They don't see that I've been awake since four am staring into a screen or the void looking for a solution to whatever issues I can address at the time. They don't hear the screaming I hear in my mind every morning, the whip cracking again and again to get more accomplished. 

I am spent. Good night, World.